love....

This week for the Holiday Paint Out, the theme is "Love". I know that its Winter, but I needed a boost of color today, so that, coupled with love, made me feel like painting a flower. So.....Today, I choose a Daisy....Today, I choose Love.....

 

I hope you too, choose love today and everyday......

Kelley xo

 

joy....

Im just so thankful these days for how the Lord is showing me how to find Joy in every circumstance. He has been sending me such wonderful new friends, has blessed me with a great new church, and I'm feeling more hopeful that I have in a very, very long time.  I am so, so Blessed. So for the Holiday Paint Out this week, I chose Joyful Colors, and just enjoyed the process of layering!!

It is my hope that you too, can find joy wherever you are, and whatever your circumstance....

Kelley xo

peace.....

If some of you read my previous post, then you know that it has been a long time since I have felt the inspiration to create. Today I actually slapped paint on the canvas, finished a piece for the Holiday Paint Out, and got two backgrounds started on the pieces Im creating for my own walls that I talked about here. Woo Hoo!! 

As far as an Update, Im feeling better. I have a familial/genetic Depression. Not the kind that comes and goes with circumstance, although it can exacerbate it. But its just part of who I am and it always will be. I do not have the right chemicals in my brain, and I require meds to facilitate them. There is no shame in this, it just is what it is. I have just found myself in a place that I did not have access to meds, and had to go off them for awhile because of that. But because of some awesome people in my life and a lot of prayer for doors to open, I have been able to get some low cost meds...finally. I honestly wasnt sure how I was going to get through the holidays without them. So it has been a week and Im adjusting.....which isnt fun. But I do feel a bit better. And Im better enough to paint. So I sit here typing with my paint apron on, and paint covered hands, feeling so, so thankful that I have a bit of inspiration back.

Here is my submission for the Holiday Paint Out sponsored by Creative Catalyst. The theme this week was "Peace". How fitting for the time of year. But I didnt go that way with this. I just felt like using a lot of color and almost doing a street/graffiti sort of thing. So I did!! I made a similar piece for my daughters room a few years ago, and wanted to revisit that. 

 

I find myself seeking peace lately. From the vicious cycle of have to's, and should of's and all the things that dont let my mind rest. I want to find peace in the chaos that is in my mind and heart lately. So this is my twist on that. Happy flower silhouettes, whimsical brushstrokes, cheerful colors and the all too familiar peace sign I love so much, help to bring me a little peace as I navigate my way out of this Depression!

Hope your are seeking peace today and always.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 30

I havent been creating.  Its bad, I know. It makes me sad that I havent been creating. But the desire has been sucked away by a not so little monster called depression. It snuck up on me about halfway through AEDM and left me standing there without my paintbrush, or any inspiraton. I know its hard to read about stuff like this. But if Im going to be real....if Im going to be authentic...then this is me being real and authentic. So I wont be offended if you just want to stop reading now....I hope you dont, but if you need to not read this, then go ahead.....

Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes its a great catalyst for Art, for Creating beauty out of hopelessness...I find that a lot of what I create comes out of a place of great angst. Ive often said that I dont understand why my art isnt all dark and gloomy and sad. I guess it's just that little place inside me, that place that still has some hope, screaming for its spot....just trying to be heard.

Lately tho there has been no desire to even pick up the paintbrush. My brain is mush, my heart is a bit numb. And Im having a really tough time finding any inspiration. There are glimpses, phrases I have written down, fleeting images that I know need to be put on the canvas. But right now it just feels so hard to even think about picking up the paintbrush, squeezing out the paint, and slapping it on the canvas.....not to mention the clean-up afterwards. So there they sit, there I sit with nothing....just empty canvases, both figuratively and literally.......

"Signpost" ©Kelley Miller

I am at a crossroads, with very blurry signposts.... And Im trying to decipher what they are saying. I do know tho that I have to be this thing called an Artist, I have to embrace it, I have to just decide that its who I am, no matter where I am living, who I am with, or how I am feeling, or where the road takes me. Remarkably the depression has actually facilitated this. It has made me stop dead in my tracks and take a good long look at who I really am, what I believe, and what I really want. I dont honestly know if I will ever get to be a nurse again. The one thing I worked for with all my heart mind and soul...and its not there anymore, and may never be. It breaks my heart.

There are so many other things that arent ever going to be what they were. So then now what?

"Heart in my Hands" ©Kelley Miller

I guess I just stand with my heart in my hands, trying not to look back and praying, praying, praying that the blurry signpost will become clear.....because right now it just isnt...

I hope for all of you that you find clarity wherever the road leads you.....

Kelley xo

art everyday - 4

Although Im not feeling like creating today, feeling overwhelmed and a bit sad, I created anyway. I had an assignment for a class I'm taking with Paulette Insall for the Divine Sisterhood class. Today we were supposed to fingerpaint with our eyes closed, in order to sense what God wants you to create. For a control freak like me, this was very hard. But I did it. I do know that I chose a lot of cool colors, yet the yellow is peeking through.  Not sure what it means yet. I dont see any images in it yet. But I have faith that all that will become apparent someday soon.....

And the cool by-product of fingerpainting is:

Hope you all have an artfully-delicious day......

Kelley XO